


You Surround Me, Covered

by Fleetwoodinflames



Series: We Write Our Own Story [3]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, M/M, Requited Love, check your canon at the door
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-04-13
Packaged: 2018-03-18 18:52:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3580206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleetwoodinflames/pseuds/Fleetwoodinflames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes a man has to trust that the one he loves will take him as he is.</p><p>“I could’ve gotten it anywhere, you know.”<br/>“Mmm, but you didn’t.  Tell me, were you waiting for me?”<br/>“Christ, I dunno, maybe I was.  I think I was.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Surround Me, Covered

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Readers](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Readers), [dawgsprite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawgsprite/gifts), [Encouragers](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Encouragers), [Kudos commenters bookmarkers](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Kudos+commenters+bookmarkers), [I love you all](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=I+love+you+all), [Thank you](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Thank+you).



> Reposted to give the good Nurse Darry a crack at making it better. She succeeded, believe me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Right now, you struggling not to touch hurts me. You. Are. Allowed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written to the tune of Coldplay's "Fix You"  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM

“I want you. I want to have you. Let me have you.”

“Now, that’s not what I asked, is it? I said – tell me that you –” Kiss. “Are allowed –” Kiss again. “To have –” Kiss. “Me.”

Few men have dared to demand anything from him. Each time, strenuous effort was put into not killing the person making the demand.  And a few times they were - killed.  But this, this was new.  Because the voice, those eyes – both bore into him and both – aroused him.

“James. Fine! I am allowed to have you – I will have you.”

“That’s much, much better.” And he slipped his cool hands under Noonien’s tank top to feel if the skin felt as smooth as it looked; if it felt – _better_ , as he was beginning to realize everything felt.

Both men filled out in their arousal and sought friction from the other, but it wasn’t near enough to satisfy – and it was high time for that.

“I could’ve gotten it anywhere, you know.”

“Mmm, but you didn’t.  Tell me, were you waiting for me?”

“Christ, I dunno, maybe I was.  I think I was.” And he slipped his hands up, bringing Khan’s top up and over his head – and the sight was as beautiful as it felt.  He couldn’t touch nearly enough.

Khan had pulled James’s uniform shirt from his pants and was making light work of the buttons. If it weren’t a uniform, the damn thing wouldn’t have survived the onslaught, but it was, and Khan was careful – this time.

When Kirk’s shirt was finally opened, both men were breathless - overwhelmed by anticipation. Khan’s hands fisted in the opened shirt and Kirk’s arms wrapped around his slender waist.

“We have time, right? Tell me. Tell me what you want. Let me be that for you.”

Khan was silent but took his dearest friend by the hand and led him to the bedroom.  He didn’t speak when he pushed Kirk’s top off of his shoulders.  And Kirk was still and silent except to lift his arms when Khan pulled his t-shirt over his head. And Kirk was still and silent and allowed Khan to look his fill and skim his fingers over the rippled planes of his chest and abdomen.

“Tell me what you want.”

“I want – I want to see you, I want you to see me. I need to touch you.”  And that last part was whispered, as though if spoken, it might be taken away.

But Kirk had already promised; he wouldn’t step away from this man again. To. Always to him. Beside him. In front of him.  Wherever he was – it would be with him.

And with him – together, they undid (with great relief) Kirk’s trousers.  The pants fell with a whispered swish to his feet.  The king made lover bent down and removed shoes then socks from his love’s feet.

But he couldn’t get up. Insecurity paralyzed him.  All of the sudden adrift, unmoored – until he reached out for the anchor.  He clasped James behind the thighs and leaned against him catching his breath as though he were drowning.

James was not unmoved, his hard cock strained away from his body, aching for – him

Neither dull nor dim was our Khan.  He could not be – his Jim was light and luminous, and his cock shined.  It shined for him, and it was all he could do to restrain himself.

But James wanted nothing to do with that restraint.  “Noonien,” James's voice broke through the fog and the blood rushing in his ears. “I want you to take it – whatever you need. I’ve already given it to you.”

“How do you know that…that I won’t do something you – that would hurt you – that you wouldn’t like.”

“Right now, you struggling not to touch hurts me. You. Are. Allowed.” And with that, he curled his body over Khan, holding him.  Noonien permitted it for a bit – then nodded as if in affirmation to, well, to himself.  That Kirk would allow him what he needed; he didn’t need to know what it was.  He trusted.  And Khan, on his knees, trusted Kirk.

It wasn’t the first time either had gone to his knees for the other, nor was the significance lost on either man.  They’d do it again, every time.  If it meant saving, keeping the other.  They’d spend a lifetime on their knees for one another if it came to that.

Noonien leaned back on his heels, concentrating.  He could feel the heat and see the beat of Kirk’s femoral pulse.  Naked, his scent was strong – musk, and just this side of sweet.  Kirk’s racing and unafraid heart pushed his scent into Khan’s nostrils.  He leaned into the man’s inguen – into impossibly delicate skin, and grasping him behind the legs, he breathed deeply.  The scent and their position reminded him of the many times Kirk had comforted him.  He was comforted now despite the unknown ahead.

He felt something cool trace a wet path down his cheek.  Not hot, not a tear.  Kirk’s breathing was heavier and he gently fisted his hair.  Khan looked.  Precum shined from Kirk’s tip and leaked from his slit and down Khan’s cheek.  Noonien gathered it from his cheek and, with his thumb, collected more of the freely oozing liquid.  Kirk hissed above him; his cock throbbing in time with his pulse and straining forward, but he didn’t move – determined to allow Noonien to take. Take anything from him.

And right now Noonien wanted to touch and taste.  He brought his thumb to his mouth and licked the fluid off.  Then he stretched up, unwilling to remove his hold on Kirk and rubbed and nuzzled his face, his jaw, and cheeks over Kirk’s shaft and head, spreading the precum over his face.  When he had smelled and nuzzled and mouthed his fill, he dropped a kiss on the base of Kirk’s cock and stood facing his mate.

Kirk vibrated with need, but focused on Khan’s glistening face.  He took that face in his hands and kissed and sucked away every shining drop, slowly understanding Khan’s need.  This would be nothing if not an adventure.

“Please, lie – lie down for me.”

Kirk gulped and complied, wondering when last he had taken his last full breath.  He took the opportunity now, then took Khan’s hand and backed up to the bed to sit.

Khan stood in the vee of his legs and stripped slowly down, watching Kirk’s eyes follow his every reveal.

“Let me taste you, too.”

He pulled Khan to him by the legs and mirrored Khan’s movements, nuzzling and kissing and licking at the juncture where corded thigh met groin. Then running the tip of his nose up the vein to the wetness gathering at the tip.  He painted his lips with it first, then licked it off, savoring the tang on his tongue.  With one hand, he ghosted up its length and milked him of more.  He’d be fed by this man if he could, he was sure of it.

“Lie down now, James.”

And so he scooted back to lay and watch the great sinuous cat of a man slowly crawl over him, bracketing him with arms and legs.

“I want to see you; I want you to see me.”

“Yes, here.” Kirk reached over and rifled in a drawer, pulling out a bottle of slick. It’d been a long time since it was last used, but it ought to be fine.  He tipped Khan’s hand and squeezed a bit into his hand.  Khan was already undulating, and Kirk’s cock was straining for touch.  Khan dipped his head to kiss again, “Watch.”  He took them both in hand, and both men’s breath caught together.

For all his control.  Want and consent had been so long ago.

For all his experience.  Want and desire had been so long ago.

But all that was behind them now and forgotten.  Kirk wrapped his legs around his Augment, and his Augment fought to stay hovering above so they could both watch slickened cocks disappearing and poking through the fist that wrapped so tightly around them both.  On each pass, Khan squeezed around their glans, fluid oozing from their slits and through the top of his fist to be mingled and spread down and around, creating an exquisite stroke and slide.

Neither could tell when the hand stroking them became less important; they heaved together to fuck into the fist clasping them together.  The ripple of their bodies and surge of their hips took over.

Kirk closed his eyes with the strain of it.

“Watch!”

His eyes snapped open.  He looked up to see Noonien looking at him as if he were the fucking Beatific Vision. Sweat dripped from his brow, and James caught it with his lips.  And then he stuttered. Too much, too strong, too good gathered in his groin, and he whined and keened and raked his nails over shoulders.

And looked down between them.

To see with a last drive, a last bone-crushing thrust; with a roar and a sob, Khan’s paroxysm swept him over an unseen cliff.  They thrust through it together, and James saw more of the spill flow between Noonien’s fingers.  The shaking man above let out another roar, and if that was the last sound Kirk ever heard, it would have been enough.  He chased that sound to follow that man – over.

And he finally closed his eyes.

His arms dropped on either side of his head, as if he didn’t have the strength left to lift a limb and Khan sat back. 

Khan watched Kirk and Kirk watched to see if he would.  If Khan thought his desires were secret, he didn’t know the genius beneath him as well as he thought.  He knew what he was waiting for, their foreplay was a siren to it.

And he did.  Khan, with shaking hands, dipped his fingers in ejaculate crisscrossing Kirk’s body.  It mingled with his sweat that ran like a stream from his suprasternal notch to join the rivulets of viscous white.  Kirk nodded, wordlessly trying to force his assent into the Augment’s brain.

With building boldness, Khan flattened his hand through the mess and ran his palms up Kirk’s pectorals spreading the mess.  He thumbed Kirk’s hardened nipples, found another daub of cum between his ribs, and smeared it across his left nipple.  Keeping the right between his thumb and forefinger, he leaned down to suck, taking long draughts.  The darkened skin mottled darker.  He found another pool in Kirk’s navel, dipped his fingers in and ran those fingers over the younger man’s jawline.  Then he followed the trails left by his hand with his tongue.  He bent down to smell, lick, and taste every shining, slick marred surface.

Kirk, still sensitive, moaned and rolled his hips, but never moved his hands, and his swain appreciated the time to savor unhindered. Until with shaking broken breath, “Too much now.”

“I –”

“I know, baby.  I know what you need.  Come up here then.  You fed; you need to feed me now, don’t you?  You’re not done.”  And he wasn’t.  Khan hadn’t even softened by a little.  His need ached.  His need to give as he had taken came to front now.

“Please.” To the point of begging to give.

Kirk moved his hands to slide them over the sweat-slickened planes of Khan’s body and urged him further up so that his knees rested in Kirk’s armpits.  With one hand, he fed his dick into Kirk’s open mouth, and rested his head on the other, draped over the headboard of the bed.

They were good for one another, and so they nurtured and nourished one another with the spend of their own bodies.  Khan didn’t take this time. This time he gently and lovingly gave of himself, never pushing or forcing.  Kirk barely closed his mouth over the long, slender curved cock being offered. He kept his tongue soft, only the barest of sucks and minutest of flicks over the frenulum on each withdrawal until above him, Khan shook with the second wave, and filled the acceptant mouth.

James hadn’t had time to swallow before seeking lips and tongue sought his.  He opened his mouth that his lover might dip in and taste the hot tang of his saliva and himself.  They stroked and swallowed together, and hands roamed and scratched and pinched and pulled hair for as long as it took for each to drink every drop.

“I love you.”

“You still say that, even with my – taste.”

“I am more than happy with your taste – in everything.  And how you taste.”

“You don’t know that yet.  We are – I … “

“You are what?  Different? Do you think you fuck wrong or something?”

“It’s not –  It’s not what you want.”

“I told you what I want.  I want you to take.”

“You say that because it’s what I want.”

“No! You’re wrong.  I say that because I know you have – you want me.  You want me – pleased.  And you want me yours.  You want me inside and out, and you want to be inside and out.  And that’s what I fucking want, genius.  I’d expect nothing less.  You are  _more_ , and I want all of you.”

Khan closed his eyes, “Turn over.”

“What?”

“TURN. OVER.” He barked the orders and rose to his knees to give Kirk room, obviously expecting obeyance.

And he got it.  He sat back down on Kirk’s thighs and ran his hand up and down over the curve of his ass and the dip in his spine, pressing gently into pressure points, and then dragging his thumbs over his sacrum, dipping lower and lower.  It was easier to talk without looking another in the eye. “I want to be everywhere, and the feeling is overwhelming.  I want to cover you and smell me on you, and I want to be covered in you and I don’t know…” His words came quicker, as if tumbling out of him.  So different than the controlled and considered speech that Kirk was used to.

“Shhh, it’s okay.  We have time.  Cover me.  I want to feel your weight on me.”  The Augment leaned down to press his cheek against the back of Kirk’s neck and lengthened his body out over him, touching from head to toe.

“It’s so hot.  Jesus, it’s like a brand.  Will it be like that every time?”

“Yes.”

“Cock ring.  Investing in a cock ring.”

And for the first time since they began, Khan laughed. Surety replaced the last lingering insecurity that he was too much – that he wanted too much and couldn’t be enough.  But he hadn’t scared the captain away.  The captain would continue to take him as he was, moreover, the captain would rather change himself than Khan. 

He lifted his head and braced his arms across the back of Kirk’s shoulders and began gently rolling his hips so that his cock, still so slick and slicker with new precum, paved its way through the path of Kirk’s cleft.  He pressed up to sitting and slid his hands back down to his tailbone.  The red head of his cock emerged from the passage, and he applied pressure to the head with his thumbs.

“Noonien, let me hear you now.  I want to hear what spreading yourself over my body does to you.” Kirk spoke to the man blanketing him.  He heard gasping, whining sounds – lower than a whisper above him.  And those sounds woke new life to his trapped cock beneath him.  “That’s it.  I know you’re holding back.  Let me hear how you want me. Now!”

Khan’s voice broke into a course of loud moans that seemed to lengthen his thrusts.  Every inhale sucked between clenched teeth and every exhale moaned on baritone breath.  The lengthened thrusts grew more frantic, dragging Kirk’s cock – now hard and wet beneath him – over the sheets, and the men gave themselves up to their chorus.

Kirk felt the hot spend paint his back and shoulder blades.  The shuddering man above him shoved his hand beneath Kirk’s hips and tore another orgasm from Kirk, as Kirk fucked into the hand and came into the bedclothes beneath him.  Khan immediately pinned him hard by the shoulders.  No longer inhibited to his tastes, he bit and nibbled and drank their mingled sweat and his semen until Kirk was clean of it all.

Khan turned the limp, pliant man over, and they kissed languidly, lazily.  Both men moving as though made of liquid.

“That was singularly, the hottest most satisfying sexual experience of my life.”

“Really?”

“Yup.  I feel – luxuriant? Is that a word?  Ruined, dirty.  All in all, pretty fucking awesome.” Kirk couldn’t help but to run his hand over his body to ghost over his softened cock and back over his nipples.  He was the picture of – fucked out was the only apt description.  His hand went back through his pubic thatch. “I think you missed a spot, Mr. Clean.” As he felt the drying cum.

“As you wish.”

“Oh, you’re depraved.”

“You haven’t nearly touched the bottom of my depravity, James.”

“Mmm.  Think we can continue depraving in the shower.”

“If you can move.”

“Gimme a minute.”


	2. Fix You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One day after a long, long sleep, the king woke in the captain’s arms, and he only hoped he’d be strong enough to keep doing just that. His captain deserved a man as strong as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hear the story of love lost.
> 
> Written to the tune of Dire Straits "Brothers in Arms"  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBSaPMgy56k

Two steps forward and one step back.  Khan knew the truth of the statement, but the truth did not make the pain any easier to bear.  He knew that because his throat hurt from choked sobs; he was stiff from sitting on the floor bowed over his knees for too long.  And his insides ached with loss and swelled with gain. Like a punishment for getting his wish.

His mind flitted back and forth over a line three hundred years thin. His eyes darted to the bedroom and then retreated behind his lids to another home, another bedroom, and another – one.  He didn’t deserve this.  He didn’t deserve two.  She didn’t deserve her lot.  He looked back to the bedroom again.  And James deserved so much more than his lot.  Deserved so much more than him.

***

They continued to explore each other in the shower. Waxed and waned, kissed and came together.  And when they finally made their way back to bed, Kirk felt it. Felt the walls go up as they lay down. The slow pulling away as Khan turned from him and curled in on himself.  He decided not to broach it tonight, just let him process what he needed.  He wrapped an arm around the Augment’s waist, kissed the back of his neck, and closed his eyes pressing his forehead between his shoulders.  Khan grasped his hand.  At least it was something.

***

The bedclothes beside him were cold.  He’d been gone a while then.  But not long enough, the pillow was damp.  Didn’t want to wake him then.  But Kirk felt the loss.  It was a small thing, just a cold bed, and he’d experienced loss much greater but this, borne heavier sorrows.  Maybe it was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back then.  But he’d fought so hard to keep this thing before he knew what it was, that he’d be damned if he wasted a moment retrieving it – fixing it – fixing him all over again if he had to.

Noonien would probably hear his first footfall, but he padded quietly out of the room anyhow, not wanting to interrupt his thoughts.

It wasn’t hard – not interrupting.  Breath stole itself out of him at the sight of man – the breathtaking man pale, framed in paler moonlight spilling in through the plate glass. His heart tugged in his chest as though trying to chase his breath making its way on an invisible path to the form sitting on the floor.  He followed them and sat down wrapping his arms around his knees, mirroring Khan beside him, just touching – not invading.  Being there, present and ready when called.

Khan was the first to break the spell.  He inhaled, then exhaled heavily before he spoke. “You are what I want.  You are always what I want.  You were not always what I wanted though.”

“I wouldn’t assume so.”

“Why not?”

“I know I am now.  I know that I am all that Nien wants.  I trust it.  I’ll trust that always, I think.  But I can’t presume to know Khan Noonien Singh.”

“I’m him, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” he said quite assured. “But that was never all that you are or were.  That was one small, one young part of you, formed and designed for a life of – well, nothing like this one, is it?

“No.”

“You grew here. You used what you were – all the best of you to become what you are now – greater, wiser.  I don’t know – it sounds stupid, but lovelier is the only word that comes to mind when I think of what you are now – what I see.  And what I was too blind to see before.”

“You always see the best, Jim.  You always have.  I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.”

He smiled at that and leaned over just to press a bit closer before pulling away again.

“James.”

“Mmmhmm?”

“You are – struggling not to touch, aren’t you?”

“God, yes.”

“Please.”  One day after a long, long sleep, the king woke in the captain’s arms, and he only hoped he’d be strong enough to keep doing just that.  His captain deserved a man as strong as that.

The captain turned, opened his legs to make room for the king that needed him.  He gathered him close and tucked him under his chin just has he had the day he woke up, finally.  “I told you that you are more, and I meant it.  I told you I want all of you, and I meant that too.  I want everything you have – not to give, but everything you have.  Period.  Tell me; tell me whatever you need to tell me.  Or anything at all.  I just want to hear you.”

“You make me – huh.  You make me lose my words, my thoughts.  I want to… I wanted so much to cover your whole self with myself until I was inside of your… Curled into your ribs and soaked into your marrow.”  He looked at him.  “Does that concern you, Jim?”

“It probably should.  But that’s fucking poetry to me.”

He closed his eyes.  “That’s what Nara said.  She called me her Poete' Macabre'.  But she loved it.  She loved me.  Like you do.  She loved me as you do, and I don’t deserve to have that twice.”

Jim didn’t wince; Jim didn’t speak.  He just held him close and waited for him to order his thoughts.

“Two years.”

Jim scrunched his eyebrows in silent question and kissed the top of his head.

Khan inhaled sharply staving off the tears he knew would come.  “It’s only been two years for me, barely two years.  I went to sleep, and I woke up the next day!  But it wasn’t the next day – but to me, it was.  I couldn’t – process.  I still cannot.  It is the one place my mind has failed me.  What I knew to be true and what I felt.  I knew – eventually, I knew everyone, everything except those of us who left.  I knew they were gone, but there was a part of me that screamed, ‘It’s just a night, a month, three months.  They could be – she could still be - waiting for me.  Just waiting for me to come back’.”

“Even now, it’s just two years.  Not three hundred.”

“I - .”

“Don’t apologize.  You’ve nothing to apologize for.  Just – just, sit here.  With me.”

And just like that, he understood.  They didn’t call him genius for nothing.  “She could be alive and you’re with me.  And you love me.  And that’s why you can’t tell me, isn’t it.”

“Jim…”

“Shhh.  Fuck, wait.  I’m not mad; I’m not mad.  I understand, totally.  And I know you do, and I don’t care that you can’t say it, and I’m okay with that.  We just got here, and we’ve got so much… We’ve got such a long way to go together, and I’m glad for it.”

“Yes.  I am with you.  And I feel – I feel like I am betraying her even though I know that is not true.  It is not true and it is wrong of me to feel that way.  I feel like I should be mad at Marcus for the betrayal, not you.  But he didn’t replace her, you did.

“I – I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.  But there is no way that I’m going to tell you that your feelings are wrong.  You don’t control that.  They aren’t wrong and they aren’t right.  They are yours to work through, to process.“

He sighed.  They’d talked about it, but it never got easier.  “When he – when he – fucked me.  When he took from me.  He didn’t take anything.  Not anything that mattered.  It hurt, but I didn’t give him anything.  I gave it – I want to give everything to you.  But it was Nara’s first and I thought only – and it is so fresh; she is.  What we had is so fresh in my head.  And I want to give it to you, now.  I want it to be yours and my traitorous fucking mind…  I don’t know if it would be different if it were three hundred years to me.  Maybe it would make it easier, but it’s not and it's so fresh, James.”

James didn’t tell him that he was wrong.  Didn’t tell him that he wasn’t betraying her memory; he didn’t want to invalidate any of his feelings.  They needed a voice.  He needed a voice – he’d been so long without one.

“Talk.  Tell me about her.  About back then.”

So he did.  “I never told them.  I never told them that she was the one that put me to sleep.  She was there when we went up.  I didn’t – I almost couldn’t do it.  And I thought I’d never see her again.  But she came.  And I didn’t have to be strong enough.  She was.  She was always so, so strong.  I was a king, but I was – I wasn’t even good enough to lie under her feet.  And somehow she made me feel as though I was everything at the same time.  It’s like that with you. I didn’t think it could be, but it is.”

“Where was she from? Tell me about her.”

And just like that – just as he’s been unknowingly doing since the beginning, he found another piece to put in place – to fix.

“Bangladesh.  She – her family were from Bangladesh.”

“Nara, was that her name?”

“Mmm, Rushanara Ali.  It was a time of upheaval; there was nothing, nothing glorious about those days, about the war.  Except her.  She was.  I had, and I held Asia.  My capital was based in India, where I’m from.  She – God, she was so full of everything.  Spirit, fire, anger, indignity, loyalty.  Even to a country, a people she hardly remembered.  She was young.  We all were; we grew up so fast.  She left university in Britain to go back to Bangladesh, to fight for her people.  To fight me, for her people.  So fierce and so brave.  She was nineteen, and she made herself the voice of her people. She entreated herself to them, and they loved her.  They loved her so much.  And I didn’t know that I could – not like that until I did.”

He sat up straight and held James’ face in his hands examining him, truly expecting to see hurt in his eyes.  He never said that he didn’t love her anymore and he wouldn’t.  He wouldn’t lie to James, and he wouldn’t palliate his truth. 

But he didn’t see hurt; he didn’t see disgust.  He saw a young man sitting with rapt attention, as though listening to the greatest story ever told.

“I tried.  I wasn’t a good man – I’m not -”

“Stop there.”

“What.”

“Don’t say that, I know what you’re going to say, and I’m telling you, don’t.”  Kirk placed his hands over Khan’s and kissed him.  “Not to me.”

Khan sighed against his lips, pulled back, and then continued. “I was hard, I was cruel, but I kept them safe.  That’s what I wanted.  I wanted my people safe.  I didn’t want them hurt.  I didn’t want mothers screaming in the streets for their husbands and sons.  I didn’t want endless processions of coffins.  I’m not a religious man, but I do believe.  I do know that all life is sacred in some respect.  Each species, flora and fauna, has a merit of sorts - a claim to this world.  A natural claim even, which I did not – that I do not.  But I knew, I know what I am for.  My duty – the duty of the strong is to protect the weak.”  And that’s what she was.  She saw that as her duty as I saw it as mine” He continued, “I kept a court of sorts.  When the Augment rule, my rule was more or less stable, I held court to ensure that there were representatives and to ensure needs being met.  As I said, they loved her.  She ensured her people got their fair share.  And when they screamed – and there were those who did. Screamed that she was not real Bengali, that her family deserted to the West and deserved the punishing rule of the West.  She didn’t care; she fought – she fought me and my cabinet hardest of all.  I admired her.  And then I loved her.  I didn't even know when it happened.”

“Did many of you?  You know…”

“Some of us did, yes.  I was not unique, but not many.  Most of us kept to our own.  I did not.”

“Why?”

“I was a leader.  I was their leader.  I always knew that my loyalties, my people were first.  I could not because I would not favorite any of them.  I loved my people.  I did not feel that danger of favoritism among humans, I was a king.  I could favorite if I desired – and I did her.  It is good that I remained apart from my people, it made what we did possible.  Because of our relationship, they would follow me anywhere – they did.”

“How did you, you know – get her?”

“Get her?”

“Well, yeah.  Tell me how you won her.”

“That is a strange way to put it.  I courted her.” He ducked his head and smiled at the memory.  I tried to court her.  She would have none of it – none of me.  Except to demand.  But I was persistent, and I admit that I might have coerced dinner – just dinner, in return for her demands.  Perhaps more than once.”

“Really! Nevermind, you’re a bad, bad man,” Kirk said with obvious twinkle in his eyes.

“I never claimed to be a good...”

A flick of his hand.  “Continue”

“Those nights we talked; it wasn’t her grit, but her brilliance I was drawn to.  She was brilliant.  If she could shine, she would have blinded all who saw her.”  He looked far away then. “I married the sun. And what she did – she fixed me, warmed me, fed me with her light – like a satellite orbiting the sun – dependent on its power.  She fixed me and made me – man.”

He shook then, and the tears fell.  “I buried that when he woke me.  I buried it so far down.  No one should have been able to find it.  You should not have found it.  I will never know how you did.”

“You should thank her.”

“And why’s that?”  Kirk gathered him close again and squeezed around his shoulders.

“Without her, it would have never been there to find.  I wouldn’t have been there to find.”

“I doubt that – but I understand and accept that you don’t.  I think – I know it was always there.”

When his breathing evened and the tears stopped, when their breaths matched, Kirk rose and disappeared into the kitchen.  And Khan knew he was loved when Kirk wasted the good doctor’s gift of Thirteenth Colony Southern Bourbon on a man who couldn’t even get a buzz.  But Kirk looked down and handed him the drink.  That face so soft and open.  Inviting him to talk.  Making him want to – want to be fixed.

And Kirk drank in every word like he drank him in.  No matter the words.  He accepted him as his acceptant mouth took him in earlier.  The captain always took him as he was.  And when they finished their drinks, Kirk opened his legs and beckoned the king to lay between them.  He wrapped him in his arms and kissed his hair.

Softly, he spoke again, his voice little more than a rumble.  “She wasn’t on the Botany Bay.”

“Keep going.”

“I wanted her to come with us but she wouldn’t.  And I knew she wouldn’t even before I asked.  We loved each other.  I was her people, and she was mine, but in the end – for the greater good.  To save the most we could of both of our people, we sacrificed ourselves.  I was losing my grip on my territory; we all were – the Augments. I begged her to come, and she begged me to stay, but that would have been a genocide for my kind if I did.  In the end, we organized.  We worked with the court to gather supplies for the people and store them underground until the worst of the fighting was over.  Every country in my territory saved and scavenged to save some more, hoping it would be enough to bring them through what was to come without me.”

“She came with us to the launch site.  I put my people to sleep.  And I, I was capable of putting myself to rest, but…  She was at the pad, and she came.  The handlers brought her in and she…  She put me to sleep.  That was the last time I saw her.  I remember closing my eyes with her looking down at me.  I see it at night.  Not as often as I used to.  But – but it is like it was yesterday.  It’s so fresh."

The words drained him.  He had no others to give; no other tears left.

The tears were Jim’s now.  For empathy, for Khan’s loss and for his gain, and for the sadness of the unknown.  For the mistakes he’d make, but not the one he didn’t.  He made the choice long ago to be present for this.  He didn’t know at the time what that meant, but that choice was all that mattered now.

Dawn peaked behind Jim.  He looked like the beacon that he was, guiding Khan from the dark into the light, from the night into the day and from one century into the next.  The light ignited and warmed him – was present for him.  And if Khan shone just a bit brighter in the day, it’s because the moon, too, reflects the light of the sun.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go, my dear friends. You will get all of your top and bottom fixes there - whatever your pleasure. Promise.
> 
> Rushanara Ali is a British Labour Party politician and Associate Director of the Young Foundation, who has been the Member of Parliament for Bethnal Green and Bow since 2010. I stole her and used her for my own purposes. I stole her, but I don't own her or the photos used in the story.


	3. Waiting There For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years from now, I can’t see myself without you. That wasn’t a goddamn expiration date – it’s for good. Be with me, stay with me. I’m not the one who is going to be gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You surround me, covered  
> You seduce my soul  
> All my fears uncovered as my life unfolds  
> In the warmth of your arms
> 
> You awake my senses  
> I was torn in doubt  
> Losing all defenses  
> When you called me out
> 
> I return to the heart of a love eternal  
> Waiting there for me
> 
> The Call - Uncovered Lyrics  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mF0zzGHMsoA

And so Kirk slept most of that day away with Khan curled around him, breathing him in.  His need for sleep not so sharp.  Just a lingering lassitude he easily ignored. He wondered how fate allowed him this, once more.  Thanked fate for allowing him this second chance.  And begged fate to let him keep this.   _‘Please, just don’t take this one away_ ’.

When one man turned, so did the other to embrace, and when the other turned, either the one brought the other closer to himself or the other turned with him to cleave from behind.

They ate and drank at haphazard hours the next day; with no place to go they lazed, indolent – quiet, never more than arm’s length away from one another.  The late night into the early morning and intensity of conversation and emotion wrung out even the strongest of men.

The day was easy until twilight, and then the comfort of silence was not so comfortable.  Caught in umbra, the moon darkened despite the presence of the sun.  James Kirk felt, what?  Something missing or something there, not quite sure which, but he was no longer warmed by the near presence they kept.  And the near orbit they kept widened.  They shared the bathroom, the sink space earlier that day, but Khan waited for him to finish brushing his teeth at the sink. He waited for Jim to leave before he went in and shut the door.

“Nien?”

He didn’t meet his eyes.  Couldn’t through the door between them.

“Nien, please don’t leave tonight.”

The bathroom door opened.  Blue-green eyes looked to him, but they betrayed – unsure. And that was all wrong on the strongest of men.

“I thought we were past this.”

“I have nothing to be past, James.”

“All right.” It was anything but. “Will you stay?”

“If you wish, I will stay.”

Jim felt a scream threatening, swelling in his gut, threatening to crash over him like a wave, but it wasn’t time for that.  Nien was still obviously navigating his acceptance – being wanted.  “Nien, two days ago, it wouldn’t have even been a question.  Yes, I want you to stay.  Come here.  Please.”  Jim held his hand out; his mind screamed and begged, but his body reassuring, and soft.  He softly brushed stiff, unyielding lips.  “What is it, tell me.  We can do that, can’t we?”

“James,” And James wanted to weep for him - the unshakable, unflappable.  So...  All wrong.  He hurt that they had to do this again, another night.  Wished that they could finally just – be.  “I went to sleep, and she was gone.  Dead and gone.  And in her place…” His breath caught, and he choked a sob.  “It is irrational.”

“You didn’t sleep last night.  Oh fuck, Nien.  I’m an idiot.  I’m so sorry; I didn’t see it.”  He held his face in both of his and kissed his cheeks, his eyes, anything, anywhere until Khan wrapped his arms around him and laid his head on his shoulder.  “Nien, I’m not going anywhere, not without you.  No one is taking this from me or you.”

“I know.”  It was just a whisper.

“Really?” He met his eyes. “Then I want it now.  What you said.  I want you to cover me.  Can you do that?  Can you get inside me?  Right into my ribs.”

“Kirk, do you know what you are asking?”

“Yes.  I told you what I want, I know what I want.  It hasn’t changed, Nien.  None of it.  I want you, and I want you for good.”

“You sound sure of yourself.”

“Indecisiveness isn’t a good trait for a captain.  So yeah, I am.” He thought for a moment, “How far did you run?”

“I don’t know.  I left the city.”

“You don’t think I do, do you.”

“I believe that you think you do now, but there is so much that we don’t know about the future, about Starfleet, about your mission.”

Now the voice that he kept at bay crested and broke.  He paced and stomped with as much anger as he could muster.  Khan calmly followed his movements and stepped into his path when Kirk turned back.  He put his hands on his shoulders not to restrain him, just to keep him in place, but Kirk was angry now - furious.  Hot with it.  “You left the city, and you came back to me.  I crossed fucking star systems for you; you killed me and brought me back, and I crossed star systems to come to you.  And then I stayed, and so did you.  Yes, I’m in this for the long haul.  I told you, and I meant it.  Ten years from now, I can’t see myself without you.  That wasn’t a goddamn expiration date – it’s for good.  Be with me, stay with me.  I’m not the one who is going to be gone.” He brought his hands up and slapped them off his shoulders.

“James.  And if I cannot go with you.  When the Federation makes their decision, and the Enterprise goes.  What if I can’t go?  I will not keep you from that.”

“That’s not your choice to make."

“I can – if I don’t stay.  You can’t stay. You’ll res…”

“STOP.” He pushed him, and Khan let him. “STOP IT!  That’s not your choice!  You chose me.  I felt it, hot, all over me.  I’m not an idiot.  I know what that means for you.  To you.  You said it, ‘I don’t deserve to have that twice’.  Well, you fucking do; you do have it twice.  You deserve it.  You deserve this.  Us.  And so do I!”

“James, it’s not what you want!  You always and only want what is best for people, and you think that this is best for me, and it is. I am sure that it is.  But you will do what is best even if it costs you what you want, even if it costs you your life.”

“Fuck you!”  He looked away – face getting hotter and pushed him again. “Am I a liar?”

“What?”

“Am. I. A. Liar?”  The last word backed Khan to the wall, more the words than the hands shoving now. “You are calling me a liar.  You called me out across systems because you would only believe me, and now you are fucking calling me a liar!”

“How –?”

“By telling me that my choice is not my own. That I don’t love you more than anything and everything out there.”

“I didn’t –.”

“You did. You invalidate my choice by inferring you know best.  You’re a genius, but sometimes, you’re the dumbest fucking smart person I know.”

James sighed heavily, rested his forehead against Khan’s, and laced his fingers behind his neck before continuing.  “I don’t have to justify my choice to you, but I will if it gets this through your thick skull.  I had a shit childhood, but my time – my life now and what I’ve done has more than made up for it.  I’ve had it good.  I’ve saved the world; I’ve commanded the greatest ship in the fleet.  I’ve had more adventures than most captains will in a lifetime.  I’m ready.  I’m ready for more, but it’s not the more that you think.  I want this one now.  I’ve never had this – this adventure.  You.  I can teach – Oh, God the things I can invent, and program, and write.  We can both contract and still fly.  I’m a great captain, but I’m not a one-trick pony.”

He dropped his hands from his shoulders and took long fingers in his to walk Khan back to the bedroom. “And there’s so much, you haven’t seen yet.  You’ve only seen what you’ve been allowed so far.  And soon…  God, I can’t wait for this to be over.  Soon there will be nothing stopping you from seeing the rest of the universe.  That’s what I want; I want to show you everything.  There are Edens upon Edens out there, and I want to show you every single one of them.  I want you to take me to your home, your country if you can go back there.  I’ve seen the universe, and fucking Iowa – okay San Fran, but come on!  This planet was yours, but it was never mine.  I’m a stranger here.  I want to see the best of it through your eyes.  That’s it – that’s my next adventure.  I beg you, please Nien, please don’t take that away from me.  I promise I won’t be the one gone when you wake up.”

The moon accepts the light of the sun again and the shadows fell away.  Khan pulled him in and rested his lips on his forehead.  “James, how are you possible?”

“I’m going to call you out here.  You want me.  You have me.  Will you keep me?”

“I want to keep you.  I don’t deserve to, but I want…”

“Fuck – that’s not what I asked.  Will. You. Keep. Me?”

“Y-Yes.  I will keep you. Kirk?”

“Mmm?”

“I want to keep you, inside of me.  I want you there.”

“Are you sure.”

“Don’t be daft.  Do you know me to ask for what I do not want?”

“Good point.  I mean.”

“I know exactly what you mean. And I know you, and I know what you are not.  Yes, if you must hear me say it.  I am sure.”

“Oh God, the things I want to do.”

“Tell me.”

“I think that’s exactly what I’ll do.  I’m gonna tell you everything I’m going to do to you. I’m gonna lay you out on your back,” Each word was punctuated by the removal of clothing from one body or the other, “so all you can see is me.  I’m going to tell you every place I want to touch and taste so all you hear is my voice in your head.  Think you’d like that?  In fact… Wait!  I’ll be right back.”

Jim bolted from the room into the kitchen; he filled and flipped on the kettle, tore open the tea tin and heaped two spoonfuls into a mug.  Then he ran to the bathroom and grabbed his bar of soap from the shower.  As soon as he was back in the kitchen, the kettle clicked off, and he filled the mug.  Dark leaves floated and clung to the sides of the cup, but this wasn’t for drinking.

Put both items on the bedside table then gently coaxed his man just the way he wanted him.  “Close your eyes.”  He reached over to the stand and rubbed the dry soap bar over both of his hands and over his neck; then he lifted to tea to Khan’s nose.  “Breathe in.”

“Tea was not exactly what I had in mind.”

James smiled even though Khan couldn’t see.  He moved the tea just over to the side a bit and stroked his face with the other.  Khan turned his face toward the familiar scent and breathed in deeply.  The scent of tea was strong in the air now, so James put it back down on the table, then pressed his neck over Khan’s nose and lips.

“What are you – “

“Association.  I want every one of your senses focused,” He grinned at his brilliance, cupped Nien's face and kissed his lips gently. “On.”  Kiss. “Me.”

“Oh, you are a genius, Kirk.”

Kirk grabbed the soap one more time and brushed over the pillows and sheets with it, spreading the scent that he knew was associated with only him.  He left it under a pillow, sat back, and pulled Khan to lay beneath him.  He caged him with arms and legs, held him down knowing he was doing no such thing.  He dragged his lips softly over his face. “Can you see me, is this okay?” He continued, “I’m going to open your body up around my fingers so slow and take your cock down my throat. And I’m gonna drag. It. Out, until I hear you say please. And then I’m gonna watch you cum.  And when you are soft, and open, and can barely move, that’s when I will put myself inside of you.  I want to paint over every bad memory.  Every horrible thing that was ever done to you.  I want to soak you in me.”

Jim didn’t like to hear himself talk.  He wasn’t so much a talker as a doer, but he’d be damned if he let this man’s ghosts or demons ruin this for him.  Khan deserved every moment of pleasure that he could give him.  So Kirk’s touch and scent and voice would be an anchor mooring him to the present.  His words would protect him from the past

And the captain was true to his word. To every word, every touch.  Khan’s every sense was saturated, every molecule suffused with James Kirk.

He arched and bucked uncontrollably into Kirk’s hot, wet mouth. His head was turned to the side, and one arm pressed the pillow to his face.  No sound came out.  Not yet.  When he came back to himself, Kirk heard the plea. “Please.”

It was Khan’s plea, but Kirk was sure it was he who was on the receiving end of this gift.  He pressed into that willing body, oh so slowly and pushed upward.  He wanted Khan to see the stars without ever leaving the bed.  He leaned close and spoke in his ear.  “Touch yourself.  I want to feel you cum with me inside of you.  I want your body to pull it out of me.  Come on, I know you can do it again.”

Khan nodded before grabbing one of Kirk’s hands and pressing it to his face; then he reached between their bodies to stroke himself. “Watch.”

“Jesus, that’s beautiful.”

When Khan started to moan, began to clench around him, Kirk wanted to taste every sound.  He crashed their open mouths together and caught every breath, every moan, and sigh, and took it into himself.  With a stuttering cry, Khan came between their bodies and Kirk took that too.  Then gave into the wanting body below him.

And with as much reverence as Khan did him, he sat up still sheathed inside, swiped his thumb through pearlescent trails, and painted Khan’s lips before kissing it all away.

It was long enough to dry before the captain got up to clean his lover.  He called over his shoulder, “I still want the poetry.”

An eyebrow raised to look at him.

Jim, feeling ever so sure of himself continued, “I’ve never felt…  When you stretched out over me like that.  I never felt so damn – safe, vulnerable, secure.  As when you covered me like that.  I want that.  I want everything you said, and the stuff you’re afraid to say.”  He blinked at his own words realizing he needed that same comfort that he gave.

“I’m not -."

"Yes, you are.  I told you, I don’t want everything you have to give.  I want everything, and I want you to take everything.  Don’t you dare tell me, I don’t know what I’m asking."

“I won’t tell you that, James. I know better now.” And a cock-sure evil grin smiled back up at him.  All confidence, all swagger.  That same swagger that Jim walked into just twenty-four hours ago came back in spades, and Jim prayed just a little, just then, that he’d make it to the other end of this because he was sure he wanted it over and over again ‘til death do them… Fuck that, death doesn’t really work for either of them.  As long as they both shall live.  And if he just married himself to this man in his own head – well, so be it.

Khan flipped them roughly, and Kirk landed with an oomph.  Khan was all teeth and hot brand and mouth all over licking and marking.  Kirk gasped and whined and arched up into that hot mouth.  He grabbed Khan’s hair and pressed into him as hard as he tried to pull away from those teeth.  And then he tried to guide him where he needed him most.  But tell a lion what to do?  Only if the lion is hungry and you have what he wants.

Khan chewed up and down the insides of Kirk’s thighs and bit into the tendon at the juncture of his thigh.  Kirk arched, and Khan shoved a pillow underneath.  Then he grasped Kirk behind the knees and lifted them up.  “Hold.”  Kirk held his legs and Khan held him open.  The first press of tongue to flesh was not gentle.  It was strong and wet and hot and excruciating and swiped from needing, empty hole to the tip of his dick.

“Nnnggh.  Nien!”

The first press of his tongue inside was not gentle; it was hard and wet and insistent and a foretaste of what was soon to come. Khan withdrew and licked and bit and the soft, pliant outer edge and thrust his tongue back in again; then he pressed a finger alongside opening the body wider around him.

When he pushed and coaxed Kirk’s body far as he felt safe, the predator sat up, licked his lips and lewdly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.  Kirk writhed and pressed into nothing when Khan reached into the drawer, flipped the cap and made a show of slicking his cock, and his fingers.  “Eyes on me, Captain, I want them.”  He leered down at his lover and slowly circled the tight ring of the captain’s furled flesh while stroking himself.  One finger sunk into the pliant body, then two kneading the thick, tight muscle inside.

“More. Please, Nien I need more.”

Three fingers thrust and turned and stroked over him.  He bucked at every pass over his prostate.  And then whined when it stopped.

A final kiss. “Over, Captain Kirk.”  And that voice – that Vengeance voice, but fuck if it didn’t do things to him.  He turned and fisted the pillow beneath his head.  Sweat poured and stung his eyes; he kept them open if only to see one long, pale thigh press against his backside along with the slow burn, press of his cock into his body.  “Breathe, James.”  The rumble, breath of Khan’s words felt as heavy as the weight across his back, and he remembered to breathe.

“God that’s so fucking nice.” But nice wasn’t what the Augment was aiming for.  He reached for the lube, and the move wasn’t lost on a very confused Captain.  But Khan just circled slick, wet fingers around the rim of his filled hole before pushing first one then two fingers inside over his cock.  He pressed his dick down and into Kirk’s prostate dragging the ridge of his head to flick hard over the nerve bundle causing Jim to cry out at every press and pull.

“I wasn’t going for nice, James.  Can you come like that?  Just on my fingers and my cock.  I want you to come.”

I- I don’t …”

He pulled Kirk into his thrusts with one hand leaving little finger pad bruises while he pressed into him with the other.  He felt Kirk’s arms shake – a tremble through his whole body.  He did not see the tears of frustration and aching need to come.  He’d hear it soon enough.  James came with a cry that tore through him.

The squeeze around Khan was exquisite, but not as exquisite as his control.  Khan stayed sheathed inside and rolled them onto their sides spooning Kirk from behind.  He lifted Jim’s top leg to gain deeper access.  Never once did he pull Jim from sensitive and sated to oversensitivity. So gentle, so slow; his other arm cradling his torso.  They kissed at this awkward angle.  That’s when Jim could feel it, smell it.  The tremble, need, holding back.  And that’s not what he asked for. “Let go.”

“I don’t want to h-.”

“Let go.”

Khan ducked is head in assent then braced himself on his bottom leg and surged up with Kirk in his arms.  And Kirk’s yelp undoubtedly meant, ‘ _don’t let go’_.  He was held, suspended in the air and impaled.  It was all he could do hold onto the arm cradling him for dear life and wrap is legs back around Khan’s hip and thigh.  Khan fucked into him, Kirk dangled from his arms and his cock.  He pressed against his back and thrust into the body he that he pulled over himself.  Comes so deep he thought he might have actually reached ribcage.

He lowered them both gently to the bed. Both men shook with the chill of sweat and adrenaline.

“Fuck me again, I know you can.  Fuck me again.”  Kirk, still shaking pressed back into Khan.

And so he did – slow and sweet and somewhere in there Kirk’s body went lax.  No resistance, no pushing back to meet thrusts.  Unconscious.  But Khan promised him everything and so he didn’t stop.  He reached for the lube.  Pulled out to slick himself again and check his sleeping lover below for injury.  His entrance was fuck-red and angry, used.  Khan leaned down to kiss and lick around as if he could make it better, and then pressed back in and covered Kirk’s sleep-slack body with his own.  Like a band around his abdomen rippling through his very core, he felt his orgasm near.  He grabbed Kirk’s hair lifting his head from the pillow and pressed his face to the back of his neck thrusting more frantically. Kirk’s slack face was open and unresponsive.  He bit down imprinting his mark at the juncture of neck and shoulder, his orgasm violently wrested from him until he collapsed.  Finally.  Everything.

He whispered to the sleeping man. “I love you.  I will say it; I will forget to say it.  I will be afraid to say it.  But I will love you so long as we both draw breath.  So keep me; fix me and want me, please.  Just be here.”

***

Two steps forward and one step back.  Khan knew the truth of the statement, but the truth did not make the pain any easier to bear.  He left for the Academy early, before first light, but not before he set the coffee and left a note.  He’d come back, always.

***

The bedclothes beside him were cold.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end. I suppose it's not quite a happy ending, but it connects continues as Part 1 and Part 2. The timeline is a bit wibbly-wobbly. But if you haven't read those, please do.
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I have writing enjoyed writing piece.
> 
> Kindest Regards All,  
> Miss Fleetwood
> 
> P. S. Every (almost) chapter in this three-part series has been updated with the song I had in mind while I wrote. Songs span the globe with a lovely piece by Finnish group HIM and go all the way back in time to Dire Straits. Hope you enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone following this story. It just keeps growing - and growing on me, and hopefully growing on you too. I hope you enjoyed these two dear men's first encounter. It won't be the last. I'll complete this Part 3 in three chapters to tie it up.


End file.
